You Don't Have To Do It Alone...
Nov 10, 2021
I think back to how many times the forces that don’t want me to rise have tried to keep me down. Since I was 5 years old, really.
How many times I’ve been trapped in fear, and forgot how powerful I am.
How many times I’ve been destitute, so the despair hid the deep knowledge from me of who the fuck I am.
How many times I’ve had actual people LITERALLY say to me “I’m going to destroy you. I’m going to kill your happiness. You will never recover after I’m finished with you” (at this point it’s at least 1-2 a year. I’m on a running total of 4 so far for this year so I must be real close
How many bullies have tried to make me feel small and worthless.
How many times people have stolen money from me.
How many times people have violated my body, my boundaries and my sense of sovereignty.
How many times people have tried to ruin my reputation.
How many friends I lost to those people who tried to ruin my reputation.
How many doors there have been in the way of getting to where I want to go.
How many times I’ve been denied the help that people all around me are getting.
And then I also remember:
The angels that caught me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY (in physical human form and spiritual form)
Every time money magically showed up and I could pay for what I needed to
So many surprise gifts and people and experiences that made each step of the journey so rich and multi-faceted
My protectors and defenders, all the walking warriors that have had my back and still do and will annihilate anyone who gets in my way (with permission and love always
Karma that takes care of all the wrongs so I can just keep on doing me
And I thank GOD, that the one thing I ALWAYS REMEMBER is how to get back up one more time.
I remind myself of Captain America in that way. I just won’t stay down. I can’t. It doesn’t feel right.
I don’t necessarily INVITE the dark forces to throw everything they have at me (in fact, just pretend I’m not here!
But since I’ve seen that they have, and they will keep doing so, the most important thing is emblazoned on my soul already
It’s not how many times you fall down, it’s getting up one more time that counts.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
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