𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 “𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬” 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

A man I’d never met made a sexual joke about “going into my body” within minutes of our first conversation.

He wasn’t my boyfriend. He was a “healer” referred by someone I love, a leader at her spiritual center and someone she’s dating.

I reached out because my metabolism felt sluggish. I wanted support with my body, and he can apparently pull energetic blocks out that are creating physical damage.

On our first call, when I said, “I want you to go into my body and work your magic,” he chose to riff on the sexual implication more than once, even after I clarified - FIRMLY- I meant healing only.

He pushed for phone calls after I said I preferred text. He tried to keep me talking when I said I was with family. He asked about my relationship when I mentioned going to Vegas for my partner’s birthday. The focus drifted from my health to my life and intimacy.

Then came the “reading.”

In his email, he said my head was “in control,” my throat was “not willing to learn / needing to be right,” my heart was “pride and caring what others think,” and my tummy was “not trusting, needing to see miracles, holding on.”

In plain language: my self-authority, discernment, and standards were recast as ego and lack of trust.

That’s the pattern I want to talk about.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐈’𝐦 𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐭

This isn’t about one man’s name. It’s about an archetype:

• Holds spiritual or energetic authority.
• Likes intimacy and power more than actual accountability.
• Talks a lot about surrender, humility, ego, and trust.
• Frames your autonomy as a block to your healing.

The behavior is predictable:

• Early sexual or suggestive comments, played off as jokes.
• Ignoring stated boundaries around how and when you want to communicate, or responding poorly when you set clear boundaries.
• Using spiritual language to interpret your reactions in a way that keeps them on top.

You bring them your body, your pain, your questions. They position themselves as the interpreter of God/Source/Spirit and of you.

If you’re impressed and compliant, you’re “open and humble.”

If you’re clear and not dazzled, you’re “controlling, in your head, not trusting.”

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫-𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞

What really snapped into focus for me was this:

He met a woman who:
• knows her own work,
• understands energy,
• is not impressed by titles,
• and doesn’t hand over authority easily.

Instead of seeing that as strength, he framed it as:
• “pride,”
• “need to be right,”
• “being on top of things,”
• “not trusting.”

This is the stereotype:

Strong woman = “too masculine, too controlling, not surrendered.”

The “fix” is always the same: soften, trust him, let him lead, question yourself instead of him. 😑

It’s important to clarify: I fully believe in the polarity of the masculine/ feminine dynamics. I LOVE surrendering into trust with my man, and letting him lead me. But that was consent he earned. 🤨

It’s a very old power move dressed up in spiritual language.

Your spine is not a wound. It only looks like one to people who benefit from you folding.

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐔𝐩 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞

This isn’t a stupidity issue. It’s context.

Women who end up in these dynamics are often:
• intelligent,
• spiritually engaged,
• overextended,
• genuinely seeking deeper work.

They trust someone their friend trusts. They’re tired of surface-level coaching. They’re willing to try something outside the standard system. They don’t want to be the “closed” or “unspiritual” one who rejects a healer too fast.

So they override the first few red flags:
• the off joke,
• the pushy communication,
• the subtle disrespect of their preferences.

Not because they can’t see. Because they want to be fair, open, and hopeful.

I did exactly that. Then my body hardened into a no. That no was not my ego. It was my system doing its job.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐭 𝐒𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐞

The harm here is not just “bad vibes.”

It’s this:

• You start doubting your own perception.
• You treat your discomfort as proof that you’re “in ego.”
• You associate spiritual depth with being corrected, shrunk, or talked over.
• You hear “feminine” and “surrender” used as tools to get women to tolerate behavior that would be obviously unacceptable anywhere else.

Over time, this trains people to trust the healer more than themselves.

That’s the opposite of healing.

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐄𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞

A clean practitioner of any gender will:

• Keep sexual energy and jokes out of the work, especially early on.
• Respect your stated boundaries around how you want to communicate.
• Welcome questions and disagreements without pathologizing them, or making them wrong, like a problem you have
• Not need to weigh in on your relationship or personal life unless you ask.
• Be willing to say, “I might be wrong.”
• Care more about your agency than about being seen as powerful or “right”.

Power isn’t the issue. Healing work is powerful by nature. The question is whether that power is used in service of your sovereignty, or to secure their position.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐭 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭

Use simple filters:

Questions to ask:

• “How do you handle boundaries and consent?”
• “What happens if I disagree with your reading?”

Pay attention to how they respond, not just what they say.

Red flags:

• Sexual innuendo, especially about your body.
• Pushing for calls or intimacy you didn’t ask for.
• Calling your questions “ego” or “pride.”
• Using “spirit told me” as a way to shut down discussion.

Green flags:

• They’re okay if you choose not to work with them.
• They don’t need you to feel small for the work to be “deep.”
• You feel clearer and more in yourself after interacting with them, not more dependent.

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐈𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦

If someone needs your self-trust to be broken in order to work with you, that’s not advanced healing. That’s control.

You are allowed to:

• want clear process,
• want real results,
• say no,
• and walk away from anyone who feels wrong in your system, even if you already paid, even if your best friend swears by them.

You don’t have to abandon spiritual work. You do have to stop handing your spine to people who call it a block.

Your discernment is not in the way of your healing.

It is part of your healing. And if someone tells you otherwise- RUN! 🏃