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𝐒𝐨 𝐈 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫… 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬

Dec 21, 2024

This past 9 weeks has been one for the books

It started a few months ago when I started spending more time with my dance partner who lives an incredibly simple life, and is really happy.

It provided such a clear contrast to my humongous, complex, SUPER expensive lifestyle. I’ve been feeling constricted and smothered by it for some time, but in contrast with his, it started to become unbearable. Something deep within me called out for simplicity, something guttural and wild. A part of me that rarely speaks.

I knew something drastic had to change. My nervous system was so beyond taxed, that although my income was exceeding my monthly expenses with a handsome buffer, I wasn’t sure how long I could be “on” for before everything in me started to slow to a halt.

So I got to work creating a plan that felt aligned and what felt the most right, was moving into a trailer and shedding 95% of my things.

I couldn’t have prepared for how mentally & emotionally grueling this would be, and how much internal resolution would be required in order to downsize a life I’ve spent 11 years and millions of dollars building.

A LOT of grief. 10,000 things went “wrong” during this process, but we just rode through it and everything resolved itself as I had faith it would. Despite that it still took an emotional toll, regardless.

Thank God I had my squad on hand to process and support me during this.

A huge shout out to Jennifer

- without whom the entire thing just wouldn’t have happened. Whenever my mind melted into goo, Jen stepped in to redirect me back to the plan (that she mapped out in the first place thank God

)

I thought that once we had moved, everything would settle down.

How wrong I was.

It did NOT turn out that way.

𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲, we were without hot water for almost three weeks, which was incredibly stressful. The first week was fine - we had a major heatwave so the cold showers were refreshing, but then it got cold and cold showers were no longer appealing. Also, I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried to wash dishes with cold water, but it doesn’t work that well with fats of any kind

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲, on multiple occasions our toilet backed up and we had to call an RV crew out to diagnose the issue.

Some days we had no hot water and no working toilet… and I don’t need to tell you moving from a 3000 sq ft house with a pool to a trailer with no hot water or working toilet was a culture shock for both of us of epic proportions.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝𝐥𝐲, during the stress of dealing with the move, I noticed my emotional eating habits kicking in with a vengeance, and it was then I noticed the anxiety I had around eating food that wasn’t clean.

Through a series of events - including noticing I felt anxious about buying raspberries one day worried about what they would do to my thyroid - I discovered I have an eating disorder called 𝑂𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑥𝑖𝑎. It is an obsession with clean eating to the point it creates OCD type behavior around food, anxiety and a rigidity around meals that is considered unhealthy.

I’m still working on how to unwind this, but it has begun with me relaxing a lot of my behaviors around food to take a longer view on building healthier behaviors, as opposed to rigidity around meals with zero flexibility. (I’m not open to feedback on what to do about this at this point, and ignoring this boundary will be met with firmness)

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍, my kiddo had a mental meltdown that lasted several days and derailed the majority of plans during that time, while I worked on getting her stabilized.

There aren’t words to describe the helplessness and pain from watching your child go through something and be almost useless to support them, except basic reassurance techniques.

Her therapist was a God-send during those days.

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 a couple of days ago, the glass top on our stove spontaneously exploded

Luckily, neither of us were close to it at the time, but that was scary.

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒆𝒕…….

My clients during this time are getting 𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐆 results.

The work we do together continues to be more powerful than ever.

I am getting incredible opportunities knocking on my door.

My creativity is more open than I have ever experienced.

There’s a settling in my nervous system I’ve never felt… a contentment that has taken root deep in my bones and cell by cell is creeping to every other part of my body.

There’s a sigh of relief from my body as I sink into the simplicity of this new life I am building. A gratitude coming from deep within me that I listened to my inner most callings, and acted so swiftly.

There’s a certainty in my ability to hold myself that has never been there, after witnessing myself move through so many unexpected things and come out smiling. Even if the experience itself wasn’t very smile-y

Life be life-ing and there are no coincidences.

Which means that everything that happens has a purpose.

You can resist it and try to control it.

Or you can surrender what you already don’t control and see what it has to show you.

I’m learning that the more I accept I don’t have control over anything outside of myself, I am feeling peace. Certainty. Self-certain (which is like a grounded, rooted kind of unshakable confidence).

I’m learning that following your heart’s callings doesn’t guarantee an easy ride, but it does guarantee a fulfilling one full of life’s experiences.

The more I let go, the more I let go.

Releasing the reigns, keeps showing me where I’m still holding on.

I’m not releasing responsibility over my behaviors. I’m not using surrender as an excuse to abdicate my power.

I’m surrendering only to the things that were never in my control in the first place. And it’s beautiful. And it’s jarring. It will leave you changed.

I invite you try it.

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