𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟*𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮… 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨??//

Personally, I tell them about it.

My favorite thing to cultivate in my relationships with people is intimacy.

I’m still wildly triggered by it, but the tenderness and trust that is created when you have difficult conversations with people you love is unparalleled.

It’s a bliss unlike anything else. That’s where true community lies, for me.

In authentic, transparent communication.

It’s fucking stunning.

But it’s risky. There are a lot of emotions and trauma involved on both sides. A lot could go awry.

This past week I had the most amazing experience with this.

I don’t mind sharing (because it’s just me and part of my experience), that my darling friend and biz partner, Samuel, triggers the SHIT outta me.

Unlike anyone I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

And it’s got nothing to do with anything he’s ever said or done. The man is an absolutely AMAZING human, who I’m honored to know and have a relationship with.

But the dude is the cleanest mirror I’ve ever encountered. Which means he shines light into dark places that have never seen the light of day.

I’ve just been dealing with it, since we met.

The wildly unpredictable reactions that crop up when he just “be”s.

I’ve been taking a look at them, shifting things, working through things, dissolving things. Catapulting in growth higher and higher after each encounter.

Because I knew without a doubt it wasn’t him. It was me. No boundaries had been crossed. Nothing offensive had been said. It was just old, festering trauma coming up for its first breath of air, and then screaming its absolute guts out to be seen.

This past week, my coach invited me to share my experience with him. Since him & I are deep in the belly of creation, she pointed out that letting him into my human experience only serves our connection.

Whereas packaging myself up into digestible, easy-to-swallow morsels was actually creating distance and separation between us. Especially, because I disappeared for a few days each time after a compounded series of triggers threatened to take me out.

So I did. I bawled my eyes out, as I shared with him how scared I am. How triggering it is to be in such an intimate space with someone in my mission. How much it agitates my abandonment trauma and fear of loss of control to be held so well, by someone I can trust. How terrified I am that my trauma will escape the thin tethers that sometimes hold it, and lash out at him and I’ll ruin everything.

And he listened. He thanked me for sharing. He reassured me that there’s very little I could do to scare him. He chuckled at my fear that I’m too emotional.

And he literally bowed at the news that no one has ever triggered me this much This fucking guy. Jesus, I love this man.

He didn’t get defensive, because there was no need to. I made it clear at the beginning that he hadn’t done anything and there was nothing to fix. I kept it about myself. There was nothing to justify.

He didn’t get squeamish at my big emotions and pull away. He didn’t make fun of me, or shame me. He just witnessed (which is something he is superb at and will hopefully teach a class on one day).

I had a request:

That when he felt my emotions crashing all over the place that he just hold. That he not pull away to give me space and not come forward to try to rescue me from myself. Just hold himself, and trust that I could hold myself.

To which he responded: Easy enough!

I also promised I would never try to blame, shame or punish him for anything and if I had an actual issue with him I would address it in a healthy way. Because we are adults. And we are capable of communicating in a healthy way.

And that was it. I felt complete.

And we went on to laugh and joke about some other stuff and ended closer than we were before.

It felt important to share this with you because we aren’t taught how to hold our emotions. We make them someone else’s fault.

We aren’t taught how to handle other people’s emotions. We make them our responsibility.

But there’s a different way to be that is just so gorgeous, that I practice regularly with my closest friends, that I invite you to try.

It’s called “Non-violent communication” and there are books about it! Give it a go.

It will change your relationships FOR-E-VER!!!

Thanks for being you, Sam. I’m grateful for this journey.