A 5-Step Guide to Bouncing Back Stronger

Ever have one of those weeks (or years ) where it feels like every plan you made has gone sideways? 

If you caught my post yesterday about my last 9 weeks, then you KNOW I can relate. And if you didn’t, I’m on the back end of recovering from downsizing from a 3,000 sq ft house with a pool to a trailer (by choice), finding out I have an eating disorder (called orthorexia), an epic mental break my kiddo experienced, no hot water and sometimes no toilet in our new abode and many other things I just didn’t have the bandwidth to name yesterday. 

But here’s the thing: life’s curveballs don’t wait for us to be ready. They just keep coming.

You’ve probably felt it too—every time you stand back up, something else comes along to knock you down. And it’s exhausting. But what if you didn’t have to start from scratch each time? What if you had a survival guide ready that helps you bounce back faster and keep going when life won’t give you a break?

In today’s email, I’m sharing practical steps to help you regain focus, find your footing, and keep making progress, no matter what life throws at you.

Because life is going to keep life-ing, and that’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have all the freedom, success and luxurious vacations you’ve been dreaming of ALSO. 

Let’s dive in.

Step 1: PAUSE

We have been trained to just power through when things go awry. 

Something happens, and we click right into survival mode. Adrenaline starts pumping, everything “trivial” (like your mental state and emotional well being) gets shoved to the side, and we get to werrrrrk. I’m suggesting changing the program. 

The program is based on old behavior that is designed on a cellular level to keep you the same. 

It’s default - no matter what your intention is - is to make sure you never pass this exact spot in your life. Which means we have to override the program, and these moments on the ground are the only time to do that. And the only way to avoid reinforcing the old program and make space for a new reaction? 

To take a pause. 

This looks like: 

When the thing happens, notice it, be aware of it, and kind of put it down in front of you. Don’t act yet. 

This is different from moving into avoidance. Avoidance would be numbing out, and pretending nothing is wrong. This is not that. 

This is acknowledging a thing happened, and clearing space around it so you can choose what to do next. 

You could write it down on a piece of paper, and then go for a walk. You could sit outside and stare at the view. You can take a drive. Go to the gym. Instead of moving into problem solving, imagine that you were turning the event over and over in your hand, like a rock, noticing it from all angles. 

Step 2: FEEL 

You will have feelings about the event. 

You will have feelings about the feelings. You will have thoughts about the feelings. You will move into judgment of yourself, of others, of your Higher Power, of the response team, of your partner, your children ALL of it. 

Our instinct is to find the person to blame. Because then we know who’s responsible for fixing it. This is most true when we are feeling powerless, because even if we don’t know what to do, having someone to exert pressure on feels so much better than saying “I don’t know what to do”. 

NONE of this is helpful or empowering, but it will be present and you have three options. 

a) You can feel it and move it through your body so it doesn’t continue to hijack your thoughts.

b) You can pretend it doesn’t exist, guaranteeing that it will explode out of you in the wrong moment at the person closest to you.

c) You can sit in it like a tepid stew, waiting for the parties responsible to fix the mess they got you in. 

My suggestion is to feel it. 

A very practical way to feel it, is to write about it, starting with a sentence like “The way I’m feeling about <insert big blindsided moment> is…

As you write, feel the emotions in your body. Breathe them out. Feel each new wave. Breathe it out. 

Step 3: MAKE A LIST 

Once you have paused, and felt the feelings, you will have some mental space to move into chosen action steps (rather than reaction which is based in old programming).  

Make a list of all the things that need to change for the situation to improve, and even better, be the best case scenario! 

Make a checklist of what needs to be done. With anything that is out of your control, evaluate if you have the option to influence something being done: Can you call someone? Send an email? Ask for a favor? Ask for support? 

If you do not have the option to even influence it (aka make it stop raining), send out a request to your Higher Power for it to be dealt with, and put a check mark next to it. It’s being handled. 

With everything you do have the power to control, put the items in priority order. 

What needs to be done first? And then? And what cannot be done until this other thing is done? 

Get it? 

Step 4 (MUCH later, once everything has settled and you are re-regulated again): WHAT DID YOU LEARN? 

I have found this is a crucial step to resolving the incident in a way that doesn’t keep it on an open loop so it doesn’t come back to haunt you. 

What were the things that happened that changed you for the better? What changed you for the worse? 

How can you resolve anything that made your life worse? (You can use the list method again for this step) 

This is not “finding a silver lining”. I find that stream of thought to be destructive, minimizing and often is an avoidant technique for actually feeling and experiencing the event. This is the very real fact of life that we learn and grow from everything that happens to us. 

That is the nature of human beings. 

So… no matter what it was, let’s learn and grow from it. 

Step 5 (only relevant if it’s relevant): RELEASE 

If you notice down the line that the event created a new fear, or a new limiting belief, resolve that shit so it doesn’t haunt you or hold you back for the rest of your time here. 

You might need an unconscious process such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) or ELD (Emotional Loop Dissolution) in order to deconstruct the new neural pathways that were created during the traumatic event. 

I wish I could close this out by reassuring you that life won’t do this to you again. But I can’t. 

Life is going to keep throwing curveballs, and now you’ve got tools to help you catch them with confidence and grace.

When the unexpected hits, remember: pause, feel, list, learn, and release. Each step brings you closer to living life on your terms, not letting challenges define your path.

With this guide, you’re equipped to face whatever comes your way, stronger and more resilient. 

So, keep dreaming big, taking action, and trusting in your own strength—no setback can take that away.

You’ve got this!