𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠//

There’s a part of my codependence that I still deal with in a very real way

Every time I run a program

I mourn when it’s over

I’m not ready to let my little chickens go

Because no matter what kind of continuing offer I create, I know that for some, it will be time to fly off on their own and practice the new skills they have just learned.

And God! It’s great. And I’m so so so proud.

But it also SUCKS.

Because the moment someone comes into my sphere, they are part of me.

Their success and challenges become very personal to me.

I ache when they suffer.

I cry joyous tears when they triumph.

I’ve gotten practiced at not carrying them. At letting them trip and climb back up by themselves. At guiding them to use their creative resourcefulness when they get lost, pointing them ever back to themselves to strengthen that self-trust and confidence.

I’m not ashamed to say that if I could do it for them, and it would actually ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 them, I would. But I refuse to create dependency. That’s the opposite of why I’m here. Literally.

So, today is one of those days.

It’s the last day of the Beta test. And man, my heart aches for the ones that are ready to fly free and use their new found magical powers.

I have been known, in the past, to double the length of my programs for free in order to prolong these moments.

Not because I don’t trust them.

Man, I’ve watched in pride as thousands of my tender souls have pulled themselves up from their bootstraps and claimed their empowerment and sovereignty.

It’s for the same reason it will tear me to pieces when my own kiddo is ready to fly without me.

I won’t be there for all the moments. I won’t be there to witness all the experiences.

I won’t be there in the moments they crumble to wipe their tears, and remind them who they are.

I won’t be there to shout and scream from the rooftops, about every single success and triumph.

I won’t be there to show them how we deal with bullies.

I won’t be there to honor their respect for  others and for life.

I’ll always be watching, of course. Silently cheering them on.

But it’s different.

And that’s okay.

Gah. Here we go again.