𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞//

I find that it's easy to forget what I've been through.

When I was searching through my experiences in “The Dark Days”, as I refer to them (ages 26-29 that were absolutely hellish), I found myself wondering which experiences would be most poignant in highlighting my three shifts.

Should I talk about what it’s like to live without a car in Los Angeles, when I took the bus & train for 7 grueling hours a day 6 days a week? Only to wake up and do it all again the next day.

Should I mention the time where my choice of where to live was so horrific and off base, one of my roommates held another of my roommates at gun point and threatened to shoot her if she didn’t pay him double the rent they had agreed upon? That incident began with the text "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T COME HOME!"

Or what about when I was working full time at Princess Cruises, going to school at night and seeing clients on the weekend? Feeling stretched so thin I might tear into a million pieces, but still not having the option of pausing for even a second? With a child.

When in the middle of that time, my ex took me to court to try to get full custody of my kiddo, at which point I really did tear into a million pieces for a couple of days, when I was totally beside myself thinking I would lose (what felt like at the time) my only reason to live.

There was the time where we rented a bedroom in Newhall that was covered with ants, and had no AC. Filled with 116 degree weather when we could barely sleep, sweat dripping off us, ants crawling all over our faces.

There were the times that I was governed by naïveté and trusted the wrong people, which got me date-raped three times.

Or the time I partnered with a lady who claimed to be my best friend, and when she was imprisoned for embezzlement tried to pin the whole thing on me (Thank God there was so little evidence they didn’t even question me)

And more. So much more.

And I realized that the shift of going from destitution to being in love with my life could be summarized by the three things I had to do to get out of that awfulness.

I had to 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 and 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 all the 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 that told me I didn't deserve any better than that, and heal my relationship with money. Because I am the creator of my reality, so what I focus on and what I believe becomes true.

I had to 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲, because the wavelength I was on was attracting more of the same experiences, and I wanted something different.

I had to 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭. I got myself as high up out of my mess as I could. I needed someone to give me a hand up above what I could see as possible for myself.

When you're lost in the darkness, sometimes it's hard to see out. You need a light, a torch, a match to re-spark your belief in yourself

To show you the way that you haven’t tried yet. To help you see what you missed.

Because the thing is now that my senses are heightened

I notice opportunities

I spot when I’m being taken advantage of

I see, recognize and appreciate the good in my life

I notice and act immediately when my boundaries are being crossed

And I don’t entertain drama of any kind anywhere NEAR my vicinity. My life is so peaceful

It’s not perfect, by any means, because I’m still human

I STILL make mistakes. I miss things. I fumble conversations. I'm clumsy with my feelings.

That sneaky inferiority sneaks up on me sometimes

But life is just different now when I have all the choices. When I have the power over my own life. When I decide how my life unfolds and what happens to me

And it’s liberating as FUCK