𝑰 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆
Apr 01, 2025
𝑰 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆.
𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡’𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐥.
Tightly-wound. Obsessively measured. Disguised as health.
And for 8 months, I followed every rule.
I ate “right.”
I tracked everything.
I did what I was told my body needed to rebalance.
And it 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑒𝑑.
My blood markers improved.
My energy got better.
I even looked the way I wanted to.
But underneath the progress?
I was raging.
I felt 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 I couldn’t breathe in.
And when I couldn’t keep it up anymore,
my body rebelled.
I rebelled.
Hard.
The past 6 months have been a wave of pushback.
Eating things I know inflame me.
Swinging between rebellion and guilt.
Wanting to feel free but terrified that I’ll spiral.
Because when control is all you’ve known…
𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬.
But now, I see it clearly:
This isn’t about food.
It never was.
It’s about the pattern I’ve been breaking across every area of my life:
“𝐼 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑙 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒.”
And now I’m done.
I’m done following rules that leave my soul starving.
I’m done rebelling just to prove I can.
I’m done choosing between rigidity and chaos.
I’m learning to lead my body for the first time.
Not manage her. Not manipulate her.
𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
With love. With listening. With devotion.
I don’t need to be “good” anymore. That requires someone else’s judgment and approval.
I want to be free.
And I want my body to trust me with that freedom.
Not a before-and-after.
Not a lesson wrapped in a bow.
Just a real-time reckoning.
A new contract with my body.
One where we both get to win 
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